Turn the table on your New Year Resolution!
There’s an old Jack Handy deep thought that goes something like this… “Children need encouragement. So the next time your child gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess – that way he’ll develop a good lucky feeling.” Well, Jack kind of has a point, no? I thought I’d apply this same logic, or perhaps its cousin, to my 2009 New Year resolution. Why not turn the table on my old foe, Father Time? Why no set VERY achievable, and even enjoyably achievable, goals?
So here, for your eyes only, is my DRAFT 2009 resolution list:
Resolution #5: Gain up to 300 lbs by Christmas. Yep, you read correctly. Without revealing too many personal details, that would represent a whopping weight gain, and I’m certain it would be truly a delight to pursue it (as in ‘almond delight’ or ‘wow, that third helping of ice-cream was delightful’). But all of that food is going to cost me… better save some money (budget $100 per month more in fast food receipts).
Resolution #4: Average 20 hours of television a week. OK this one isn’t much of a stretch, maybe it would really just represent year-over-year consistency. Thing is, I need to have a television goal, because mostly I like to eat in front of the television – well - there and also in front of the refrigerator.
But television can be so boring these days… ? Come to think of it, Beyonce suggests that I ‘UPGRADE’ to Direct TV, and really, who can resist the combination of Beyonce and Direct TV beckoning you – SIMULTANEOUSLY! I need to find some money to pay for the upgrade though (budget $30 a month more for TV bill).
Resolution #3: Keep more stuff … Why keep pretending I’m going to donate those clothes to charity? Besides, in 2010 I may decide to lose 200 lbs, at which point I am going to need those size 34 parachute pants. But wait, not enough room in the closet for my high-school wardrobe AND the Atari game device – going to need to rent some storage space (budget $30 a month for self-storage).
Resolution #2: Acquire more ‘things’! I’ve spent the better part of my post-pubescent life longing for ‘As Seen on TV’ products. I even bought the hand-held sewing machine one year (I convinced myself I could use it for sutures in the event of a home emergency – but now I know that I really wanted it to sow cuffs – I’m not proud). With the exception of the “Super Sewing Machine”, I’ve resisted further purchases. But in 2009 I’m going to buy more gadgets than a Saudi Prince (budget $20 per month + $12 shipping and handling, total $32 per month)
Resolution #1: Pay for what I WANT by eliminating what I NEED. Yep, unlike Wall Street, I have to balance my books somehow. Since the above resolutions will cost me $192 a month ($2,304 in the year), I’m going to have to get rid of a few things. I can save $30 a month by eliminating homeowners insurance; I can cancel the annual veterinarian visit/shots for the dogs and spread the savings over 12 months, that’s an additional $10 per month; I should probably stop chlorinating the pool (let’s put the green back in green people) that’s another $20 a month.. Hmm, what next? Well, there’s my LifeLock membership. Do I really need to protect myself from identity theft, countless hours of credit repair and the knowledge that I will likely have my credit violated again in the near future - what when there are things and food to be bought, television to be watched, and ‘antiques’ to be stored? Cha-ching, just saved another .33 a day…
Happy New Year Everybody (but fraudsters).

On Wednesday, LifeLock and
I love the holiday! I have ever since I was a little girl. My family and I would begin to decorate the day after Thanksgiving. In fact, that’s the day my dad would go into the garage and pull out all the Christmas lights we owned… quite begrudgingly I might add, as my mother, who LOVES Christmas lights, seemed to add more to the collection each year.
Whether you believe it or not, the holiday season is in full swing. We are all busy and juggling many responsibilities, family life, work, travel, shopping and so much more! It is really easy to become overwhelmed and let your guard down. Sadly, there are people waiting for this to happen they want to steal from you while you’re distracted; they may want your wallet or worse… your identity.
Have you called the number on the back of your credit card lately? I have. Recently, I called due to a discrepancy on my billing statement and was a little frustrated when there was a language barrier between myself and the representative. Have you called a company that you do business with when you really need their help to find that they are closed? I have. Prior to becoming a LifeLock member I called my bank (a local credit union) when I noticed a fraudulent charge on my checking account. It just so happened that I noticed this charge late on a Friday evening. When I called I received a recording advising me they were closed for the weekend. My frustration grew as I noticed the fraudulent charges adding up and the money in my checking account decreasing. I finally got in touch with a representative the following Monday, to find that they were most unhelpful. The agent told me that I needed to open police reports, and get documents notarized, offering very little assistance and no empathy.
Identity theft is a smart crime. Make no mistake about it, when it comes to getting a hold of your personal information, thieves will do anything and everything from pick pocketing to